It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
