sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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