is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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