things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
