Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
