i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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