Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
