I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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