i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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