He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
