I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
