So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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