New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize