Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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