Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
