at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
