I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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