well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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