Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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