i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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