So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
