EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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