I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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