2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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