Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
