my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize