Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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