i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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