you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We got so high we made milksteak
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
