i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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