sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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