the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
