i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
