I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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