Heybabeimwearingurpanties
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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