you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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