my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
