I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
