The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
