i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
