carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
