He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
