you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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