this beer tastes like vomit already
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
