shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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