lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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