I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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