Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
