She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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