Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
