yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
