Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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