I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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