i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
