Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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