The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
