walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize