i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
where are my eyebrows?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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