i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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