I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
