Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
