tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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