So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize