She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
